FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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