as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
