you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
