Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
