I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
