Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
