I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
