Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
