I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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