I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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