oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Apparently you make a good broom.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
