I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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