i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The Olympian is in my bed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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