How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
