Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
