I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
