woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
