dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
