Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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