I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
