it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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