As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
