Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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