from now on my penis is your penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
