I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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