We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
