tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
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I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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