So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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