I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
