based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
