I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
