pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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