Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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