All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
