He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
