She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
