No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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