I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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