false alarm. still invincible.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
