dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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