You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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