Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize