Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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