that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Semen is not good for contacts.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
