She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
