There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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