so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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