i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
