batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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