Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
