Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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