dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
