this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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