I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
