Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i will never coherently bang her
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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