absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Randomize
