I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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